JOKES (mostly medical)

Add your own jokes to the comment section below or email to bradysan@hotmail.com. Please include the specialty that is the brunt of the punch line or let me know if non-medical

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Emergency Physicians:

An internist, a surgeon and an EP go duck hunting. The internist is up first and as the first duck rises from the reeds he aims and under his breath says “Looks like a duck, but could be a swan, or perhaps a goose. Probably not a peacock…” and before he even takes a shot the duck flies out of range. The next up is the surgeon who spots a duck on the wing. He fires, the bird falls and he states with confidence, “We’ll send that to pathology to make sure it’s a duck.” Last up is the EP. When the next duck takes flight he whips out a machine gun, fills the air with bullets and the duck crashes to the ground. The EP utters one word, “Bird”.

Plastic Surgeons:

A sign on a cosmetic surgery clinics says:
“If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons.”

Prescriptions:

#1: A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. “Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?” Mrs. Smith answered “Yes, they help me sleep at night.” “Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!” She reached out and patted the young Doctor’s knee. “Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks…… And believe me, it helps me sleep at night.”

#2: A patient goes to the doctor and requests a prescription for arsenic. The doctor says “Are you crazy? Arsenic is poisonous and no one uses it any more. I’d lose my license if I did that, and you… you… you’d get terribly ill… and why are you asking for arsenic in the first place? What disease do you think you have?”. The patient says nothing and just hands the doctor a photo. It’s a photo of the patient’s wife in bed with the doctor’s husband. The doctor replies, “Is generic OK?”

Radiologists:

An internist, a surgeon and a radiologist are on a hike with their dogs when they come upon a bunch of bones. The internist says “Watch this!” then says, “Olser, bones!” His dog arranges the bones neatly by their Latin name. The surgeon, not to be outdone, says “Watch this!” then says, “Cushing, bones!” His dog then arranges the bones in the shape of a skeleton, a goat actually. The radiologist then laughs and says “Watch this!” then says, “Roentgen, bones!” His dog then buries most of the bones, quickly eats the rest, then fucks the other two dogs and finally takes the rest of the afternoon off.

Non-Medical:

A husband and wife are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary at home and are starting their second bottle of wine. The wife holds up a glass and says in a slightly tipsy voice, “Honey, if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have made it through all these years.” The husband replies, “Is that you talking or the wine talking?” The wife replies, “I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to the wine.”